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Was busy looking at newspaper stories and came across a story of a couple that have been married for 71 years! Wow, that is amazing… and thought to write something about it seeing that I just recently had my anniversary. Mind you, I haven’t hit that number yet, but have certainly racked up some years. Through the years of this couple’s marriage there has been many challenges.
Sadly to say that one of the partners in this bond of holy matrimony, the man, is in the hospital. His wife has been at his bedside steadily for the last three years in a makeshift bed refusing to leave, she’s scared to do so for fear of the inevitable happening. Her husband’s passing by natural means or as she sees it, deemed his time as decided by the medical staff at the hospital.
From her standpoint, this has been the hospitals take on the whole thing since he first arrived there. He was suffering from pneumonia and dementia and was having difficulty breathing. She stated that they kept insisting on her letting him go. Of course, the hospital has issued a statement denying this.
But, a provincial mediation body stated last year “that using ventilation, oxygen tubes, and cardiopulmonary resuscitation is no longer justified.”
Upon reading that, my personal standpoint is that I agree with what Maria W. has to say about it, that they are wanting to kill him.
Desmond lies in the hospital bed in a fetal position and to the hospital officials because “he shows no indication of cognition or understanding, unable to communicate or show emotion or response.. and there is no realistic hope for improvement.” Then it is okay for them to try and justify what they want to do?
Maria knows deep within her very soul, that although Desmond might not be vocal or cognitive as to what the hospital officials qualify as their acceptable level of recognition, Maria knows that Desmond can feel her presence, just has he has for the last 71 years.
She even signed a release form permitting the medical team to speak openly about Desmond’s situation and her beliefs and they refused.
Their love story began in Trinidad, seventy-one years ago. They met when Maria was ten and married when she became 17. Many challenges have faced Maria and Desmond throughout their life together. Maria is black and Desmond is white. The lack of jobs in Trinidad forced them to immigrate and build their life together in a new country.
Together, Maria and Desmond raised five children and steadily upheld their spiritual beliefs. Throughout the years, they always made time for prayer and are staunch Catholics. At one point, it was suggested by someone on the medical team to increase the morphine dosage until he eventually died. To me that is assisted suicide… We are here by the grace of God and only when the time comes as chosen by Him, then to ashes shall we return.
Maria constantly talks to Desmond as she sits by his bedside. She tells him that she loves him as she strokes his almost bald head. I bet Maria chats up a storm when Desmond is awake, busy chatting about all the things that they did through the years. Of course, there is no verbal response, but little things like him squeezing his hands or looking at her when she asks, “….Do you want me to pray the rosary with you.” Proves that he is still there!
Congratulations Desmond and Maria W. on your long wedded bliss! I commend you.
Wonder what steps the medical team would take or how they would feel if Desmond happened to be a family member or one of their close friends? Would the medical team see another point of view?
What is your stand on this? Do you think hospitals should have the right to even make this sort of suggestion? Do you believe in assisted suicide?
Wow… I’m in awe… I don’t know what to say. Assisted suicide is such a touchy subject and I don’t think it’s anyone’s right to choose who lives or dies. We can sit here and read this as an outside person, but put yourself in Maria’s shoes. It’s heartbreaking. Best of luck to Maria and Desmond and shame on the hospital staff!
What a beautiful love story! I don’t think the medical team has a right to to assist in his death unless it is agreed upon by the family. Until you are in the situation you don’t know what they are going through. You don’t know what it’s like to be in their position so I don’t think they should have the right to make that decision. It is up to his wife to make that decision because she is his companion, help meet. She is the one that knows him best. And SHE is the one that has to live this life and live with herself afterwards. She is the one that should have the say, not anyone else.
It is such a touchy subject. I’ve never been in that situation, but I did watch the end of a TV drama that brought up the issue of assisted suicide with a woman who had cancer and knew she was going to die soon. She had decided that she wanted to take control of her life and decide how she goes instead of letting cancer win. Of course, she was convinced in the end by a friend that what she wanted to do was only going to rob both her and her family/friends of the precious time she had left with them. This is really a tough subject with so many possible perspectives. The story you shared with us is also different because it is about someone who can’t make these decisions himself. Even if he were alert and able to communicate; would it make it right if he said he was ready to go and he asked to be taken off life support or assist him through morphine? That would drastically change the response many would have. My heart goes out to anyone put in the situation of deciding what to do when a loved one is on life support.
aww. .that is such a sad story. It just goes to show the devotion she shares for her husband.
Oh Wow! My first thought was No Way I don’t believe in Assisted Suicide. However, if I was in their shoes I couldn’t say I wouldn’t do it. It’s a tough choice and no one can’t say one way or the other unless you have personally been in those shoes!
I think that if someone wants to take their life, it is their choice. Won’t say I respect it, but their choice.
wow sad. I think everyone has the right to make choices that effect thier own lives. Its sad that loved ones still living will greatly miss them but who am i to say who lives and who dies.
I am not sure how I feel, but I couldn’t keep someone in pain just to keep them around.
While I believe in assisted suicide in certain situations, I believe it is up to the family and people involved according to their beliefs. It is a very touching story of their love.