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Rheumatoid Arthritis- The Pain of It All

It is early morning, the sun has not peeked its head through the front room window as yet. In fact, it is 3.30 am and I am struggling to open my eyes. Natures calling and I have to figure out just how to get myself off of this couch to make the trip upstairs. Sound strange? Perhaps to you, but not to me or others that struggle with Rheumatoid Arthritis.

Those suffering with RA, often have to contemplate each movement of their body before they put forth the effort to make the move. Well, thank heavens my bladder can wait a few more minutes!

As I toss and turn, with one foot dangling from the side of our living room couch, I struggle to somehow move my very short body. I have taken to sleeping on the couch for a little while, maybe three weeks, because in my mind, getting up off of a makeshift bed that I can somehow roll out of without waking up the rest of the household seems like the best alternative.

Oh my, my neck is stiff, both of my shoulders aching, my pelvis is throbbing! Got to try to move, somehow, and suffer the outcome, afterwards, or my bladder will empty right here where I lay.

Hubby often asks me each night as I type away on the Levono laptop from the living room couch, “Are you coming upstairs to sleep tonight?” It is becoming a familiar question.

 He is upstairs sound asleep on our big double bed, alone. He recently placed a 6 inch memory foam mattress topper on top of the bed to provide a more comfortable sleep. I tried to lay on it just one night, and it did feel amazing.

But, when I struggled to arise from our magnificently comfortable bed, it meant that I would have to somehow hold onto the doorknob of our bedroom door just to try and pull myself up. Oh the pain of it all!

The additional 6 inch rise to an already high bed just about did my 4 feet 9 1/2 inches in! Hahaha, I have to chuckle when I write down my height as I remember at one time I was a tall, 5 feet 2 inches. I guess my bones have shrunk over the years.

As I struggle to move off of the couch, the tears start rolling down my face, simply because of the pain. I know from the get go, that I will have to wander into the kitchen before I make the trip upstairs to take one of those Advil gels that I have been taking once every couple of days, just to lessen the pain. Tablet taken along with some soy milk.

As I move my aching body up the stairs, I ponder whether or not, I will make it to the bathroom. As I close the door, and struggle to free myself from my clothing, I hang onto the bathroom door for balance, and to help relieve some of the pain that I know will come as I try to bend my body to sit on the commode. Well, I made it without any accidents.

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As I empty my bladder, the next thought to cross my mind is that I hope no one tries to rush into the bathroom, cause right now I am not going anywhere. My bladder is now empty, thank heavens, no accidents. The house is silent. The only sound is coming from my kitty who sits outside the bathroom door, patiently waiting for me to exit.

I savor the moment of bliss as I sit there on the commode in complete darkness. I did not even bother to turn on the bathroom light, all to knowingly afraid of the pain that will soar through my already inflamed shoulder blades. I sat there in complete silence and darkness for about twenty minutes, savoring the moments that were pain-free as I wait for the Advil to kick in.

After about 20 minutes, I slowly raise myself off of the toilet seat. The pain soars to my head as I struggle to pull up my clothes. Surely can`t run around the house bottomless now can I!

There, finally done. I open the bathroom door and quietly tiptoe back down the stairs. Kitty prancing down the stairs right past me. Oh so quick is she!

Coffee is made as I wander into the front room to sit down for a little bit.  Now to turn on the heating pad for some much needed relief. First I place the heating pad at the low part of my back. After 20 minutes, it is moved to my shoulder blades. First the left, and then the right.

I sit quietly in the front room, it is about 7.00 am. The house is still silent, the morning is just starting to roll in. I open the laptop and start checking emails and social media. As I am checking it out, hubby quietly comes downstairs. He peeks his head around the corner, and says, “Good Morning”.

By now, the Advil has kicked in…. the pain has disappeared for a while. As we sit at the kitchen table, eating breakfast, we look through the flyers.

Our conversation in the meantime is about me wanting to take a picture of my kitty sitting beside me in the wee morning hours as I type away on the Levono. She is such a doll!

She often comes and sits beside me just like a real person. I wanted to take a picture to share with you all, but, as always the battery was low. I will try to take a picture soon.

The next words out of his mouth are… “I had to scoot the cat last night/early morning.” Oh, why? “What was she doing?” Well, I come downstairs to turn off the light and the tv as you had fallen asleep and there she was in all her glory, curled up in a ball and sound asleep on your chest”. I responded with a smile.

“You know that as much as I like the cat… I do not like her sleeping on you like that. Besides, you know what they say about cats and smothering” Another smirk from me as I respond with a “You don’t believe that old wives tale, now do you?” Apparently he does. Definitely not a good way to start off the morning.

Eyes suddenly turn back to the flyers. He asks me to make a small list as he plans on making a stop for a couple of things and some pet food for our guinea pig before heading out for a couple of hours. I make a small list and then off he goes.

In the meantime, I saunter over to Joey’s cage and offer him/her the last few pieces of Timothy Hay and add some more guinea pig pellets to the dish. Suddenly, like clockwork, the phone rings. It is hubby, calling from the grocery store telling me that he could not find something and says that he will be back shortly.

True to his word, he was back in a flash. Running into the kitchen to drop the grocery bags onto the floor. He says as he runs past me real fast, “Put away the refrigerated stuff, I will put away the rest when I get back.”

As I struggle to lift the couple of bags off of the floor to place them on the counter top, I feel the beginnings of a twinge. My body is responding to the bending motion in a negative manner. I place the foodstuff on the counter, then go to place the fresh vegetables in the crisper, the familiar pain in my pelvic/hip area suddenly rears its head.

I close the fridge door and take a look at the size of the jar of peanut butter. There is no way in H* I am going to try and stick that on top of our very tall fridge. I ended up placing it underneath the almost empty jar of peanut butter that sits on the counter top beside our Keurig machine.

Dinner tonight was supposed to be leftover macaroni and cheese for those who want that or homemade beef stew that I made yesterday. As I glanced into the sink and wondered if I should attempt to do the dishes, I wondered why the dustpan and hand broom is sitting in the sink. Sitting… well.. more like dropped.  As I go to rinse it off, I get the urge to smell the broom bristles. Don’t know why, something just told me to do so.

As I whiffed the bristles, I thought to myself.. it smells like last night’s supper. I quickly wash it with dish detergent, dry it and set it back on its hook. At the same moment, I decided to take a peek into the kitchen garbage can. There, in a milk bag on top of the trash, is part of last night’s supper.

I wandered back over to the sink and see that one of the plastic food containers has also been randomly dropped into the sink. It suddenly dawns on me that hubby must have dropped it while taking it out of the refrigerator to set at room temperature.

As I contemplate whether or not to do the dishes, I hear a familiar sound once it has appeared right in front of me. It was one of my daughters arriving home after spending the night at her sister’s. I saunter back into the front room, not a sound coming from anywhere, that is, unless you want to count the hum of the fish tanks or my kitty snoring away while curled up inside her sheepskin bed.

The pain in my shoulders have subsided, thank God! The soaring pain in my ring finger, left elbow and left knee have also mellowed out. But I know it will be back, if not later tonight, tomorrow for sure.

I am getting used to these familiar body pains caused by my rheumatoid arthritis. Not that I welcome it..I just know it will be back. The pain is really, well debilitating. I cannot reach into a cupboard, reach to answer the phone when it rings, bend over to pick something up, or even pull the comb through my hair on some days.

My teenage daughter scoots into the living room to pick up one of her bracelets, the house is still silent. She says to me in a familiar tone.. “Mom, do you know where my hairbrush is?” I responded with a quiet no.

I am used this sort of convo from hubby and daughter. They tend to put things down in unfamiliar places and knowing full well that they will call upon me to tell them where it is at the spur of the moment.

She takes off in a mad dash to her room, I guess to watch tv or do something on her laptop. I am sitting here in the silence. Son is sleeping I imagine after staying awake all night playing video games. I guess I could take out the salmon and bake it for us to have alongside some salad. That is what I had yesterday for dinner. A piece of baked filet of salmon. It is supposed to help those suffering from Rheumatoid arthritis. Hubby will probably finish off the leftover macaroni when he gets in, son will wander downstairs about 6 pm for his breakfast. That’s in another four hours. I better get crackin’ and get off of this couch.

One pots, that’s what I like. Too hard to cook four different meals all of the time. No one in this house knows how to cook…. only me. Another thing I did in the wee morning hours as my body was wracked with pain.. and that is, I prayed aloud. I spoke to our creator, asking him to bless me with a longer life, as I want to be able to see and hold my first grandchild which will be born at the end of April, early May of next year.

It has been a long time coming.. is all I can say.

I also thought about when my order of baby wool will arrive and whether or not my hands stiff with arthritis will be able to work the needles long enough to get the surprise made. I will not disclose as to what I am making as it will be a surprise for my daughter, who sometimes stops in to see what her Mom is writing about.  I think I will make it in crochet as opposed to a knitted item. I first started crocheting when I was about 12 years old and have worked with crochet cotton as fine as a piece of hair, worsted weight wool, bedspread cotton, and even thick cord. Although my Mom taught me the initial stitches, most of my skills were self-taught. I am quite proud of the fact that I am a fifth generation crocheter. It is a skill for women in our family that has passed down through the generations. Oh, how I wish one of my girls would have had an inclination to learn it.

This RA Concept Map can be found here. Several other disease-related concept maps can be found on this site. I have permission to use this image from its creator for informational purposes.

 Thinking back to when my kids were small and how I skipped in the schoolyard with my kids, played hopscotch, red butt, or even a game of baseball during the lunch hour. I was usually the pitcher and the kids in the schoolyard would all join in. Man, how we loved playing the game.

We also used to play in the lane, every night after school or after dinner. I used to love throwing the ball high in the air over the wires or tagged someone out as they tried to hop onto the wood bases that were neatly placed beside nearby fences.

Another pain that my body endures on a daily basis is the pain associated with sacroilliac joint dysfunction. The nerves that connect my pelvis to my torso and run through the hip bones are inflamed and swollen. Bending over doing or something as simple as stretching your legs out in front of you while sitting on the couch or even while lying in bed is something that causes incredible pain in my pelvic region. These are simplistic movements that many people take for granted.

Thinking forward to the future and the birth of our first grandchild in late April/early May of next year, I am a little worried that I will not be able to pick up the baby.  I guess I will have to depend on someone placing him or her in my arms when they are firstborn.

Once they get their legs in motion and are able to move around and understand, Nannie will have fun playing with them, doing crafts, and making Homemade Play Dough. My brain is racing with the endless possibilities.

I can’t wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gotta go take my Grapeseed Oil supplement. It is supposed to work to remove swelling. I think I will toss the salmon into the oven to bake while I do those dishes. Kitty sitting here beside me but I think I am going to have to get up to turn on the heating pad once again and take another pain killer. Oh the pain of it all!

As for the kids dinner, I could toss in that store bought pizza for them to munch on and wonder what I am going to make for tomorrow night’s dinner. 

Wishing you all the best of health!