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How to Deal with Temper Tantrums

Being adorable is a defense mechanism for small children; it gives you something to look forward to when they are showing off the flip side of the coin, the temper tantrum.  Generally speaking, kids under two throw tantrums mainly out of frustration.  They understand a lot more than they can communicate, leading to them lashing out because they often can’t get their point across any other way.  Over the age of two, these actions are typically born of a desire to control their surroundings.  The desire for independence is growing in them and sometimes there are things they want to do for themselves that they cannot.  They also are learning that this  can be a way to get what they want, especially if it works the first few times.  Here are some coping mechanisms and rules for dealing with the inevitable temper tantrum in toddlers.

• Keep Calm – If you have a tantrum because your child is, you are reinforcing the behavior by showing that your expectation is that if you have a fit, they will do what you want.  Kids pick up on stuff like that quickly.
• Don’t Give In – EVER.  Assuming the child isn’t in danger and the tantrum isn’t due to hungry/tired/hurt.  If it is a control tantrum, this is the most important thing.  Once a child learns that you can be controlled, it’s over – frequency and intensity of the tantrum will increase every time you give in.
• Distract Them – Kids have a short attention span, take advantage of it.  Sometimes something as simple as a change of room or introducing a small toy or asking questions can end a tantrum before it really gets up to speed.
• Give them some control – If a tantrum begins, give them control over the length of the timeout.  By giving them control of the punishment instead of simply a fixed length of time, a tantrum can be shorted or stopped.  Again, kids pick up on things like this – their logic can quickly become “ If I’m going to do the time, I’m going to do the crime.”
• Set them up for success – Be aware of your child’s routine and triggers.  If you know tantrums increase when a child is overtired, don’t try to squeeze in another errand before heading home for a nap, it’s usually a recipe for disaster.  If tantrums happen because your child is hungry, keep some snacks on you and use them BEFORE the tantrum strikes, not after so you are rewarding bad behavior.
• Make sure you aren’t being arbitrary – If a child is having a tantrum because they are looking for any kind of attention because you’ve been distracted by other things for a while, find a way to give positive attention.  Surprise them with treats without them asking, so that they don’t try to get what they want via a tantrum.  Learn to pick your battles.

There are many other ways to deal with and prevent tantrums, each child is different and you may have to try many different things before you find what works best for you.  Typically as your child ages and learns to communicate and control themselves better, tantrums will decrease in frequency, unless you give in and let the child dictate your behavior instead of the other way around.